


Zero to Sixty in 3.5

by Epiphanyx7



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Car Sex, Cars, Community: kink_bingo, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-11
Updated: 2009-06-11
Packaged: 2017-10-16 20:19:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/168964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epiphanyx7/pseuds/Epiphanyx7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>This was the most beautiful car in the world, shiny and red and so sleek and smooth Arthur wanted to lick it. If he paid enough money, he could probably have laws changed so that he could marry this car. </em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Zero to Sixty in 3.5

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Kink Bingo 2009. Arthur Pendragon / Merlin Emrys. Modern AU. Also, I know nothing about cars. Title from the specs for the car, in addition to that song by Rhianna.

"It's very red," Merlin said brightly.

Arthur scowled and slammed the door to the very, very shiny, very, very expensive looking car. "You don't like it," he said.

"It's - a car, Arthur." Merlin said. He looked at Arthur, then at the car, and then back at Arthur. "I already have a car, and it's perfectly fine---"

And of course, that was just perfect, because of course Arthur would go and buy Merlin a car - and this wasn't just any car, this was the most beautiful car in the world, shiny and red and so sleek and smooth Arthur wanted to lick it. If he paid enough money, he could probably have laws changed so that he could marry this car.

"What I don't understand, is," Merlin said, finally. "If you're the one having a mid-life crisis, why do I have to be the one driving in it?"

"I am not having a mid-life crisis!" Arthur shouted. It was just a bloody car. He could afford a thousand of the stupid things.

"Well," Merlin said. "It's very nice."

"I know," Arthur said, frowning. There was a leaf on the hood - that wouldn't do. It was messing up the aesthetic. He leaned forward, gently brushed the leaf away, running his fingers over the glossy smooth surface of the hood. Oh, yes, Merlin could go to hell if he didn't appreciate the obscene beauty of this particular piece of machinery. Arthur smiled softly down at the car.

"Huh," Merlin said.

"What?" Arthur turned and realized that Merlin was giving him that narrow-eyed, pointy look he often got right before he accidentally said something observant and forced Arthur to talk about his feelings. "Oh, no."

"You're wearing jeans," Merlin said, a slow smile spreading over his lips. "Arthur Pendragon, multi-millionaire --"

"Yes, and I figured, if I'm the CEO of the bloody company, making millions of dollars every day and poised on the edge of taking over the western world, I can damn well wear denim to the office if I want to." Arthur interrupted, hoping that Merlin would drop it. He'd hoped, having them in such a dark wash, that it wouldn't be obvious. Alas, his luck today absolutely sucked.

"Jeans." Merlin repeated, pointedly, as he took a step closer. "And an Armani suit jacket."

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with wearing jeans!" Arthur protested. "They're extremely comfortable, and the dark wash is very flattering to my--"

Merlin kissed him.

"Mmmph," Arthur said firmly, in conclusion, and then kissed him back. He leaned backwards a little bit, putting his weight on the car as he tugged Merlin closer by the other man's tie. Merlin still kissed like a teenager, messy and overeager, which had never bothered Arthur, who personally thought that Merlin's tongue belonged to him, anyway, and therefore it was only fitting. He pulled back after a moment, licking his lips. "Right," he said. "So, you weren't complaining about the jeans?"

"I like the jeans," Merlin said, tucking his hands into Arthur's back pockets.

And yes, Arthur had maybe been working out a little bit, trying to squeeze into jeans a size smaller than he usually wore, but it was nice that Merlin had noticed the final result. To reward him, Arthur kissed him again, his tongue sliding happily alongside Merlin's. He put his left hand to good use, undoing the top button on Merlin's shirt, his right hand twisting around Merlin's tie.

"Arthur," Merlin said, breaking the kiss.

"You talk too much," Arthur frowned, and kissed him again.

And hey, that seemed to be working out just fine, because Merlin didn't argue. Instead, he shrugged off his suit jacket, sliding his hands back into Arthur's jeans pockets and leaning on him as they continued to kiss, slow and easy and familiar.

"Arthur," Merlin said, pulling away to nose gently down Arthur's neck. "I'm not going to let you fuck me against the car."

"Oh come on!" Arthur whined, sliding a hand down to cup Merlin's ass. "Please, Merlin, I'll make it really good --"

"I said no," Merlin licked his way down to Arthur's collar, biting at his skin and  being slutty and infuriating like he always was.

"This is a very, very nice car, though."

"It's a Porsche," Merlin agreed, pulling away to tug at Arthur's tie.

"It's a Porsche Carrera GT," Arthur corrected. "This isn't just a car. It can - um," because Merlin was opening his pants, tugging the belt out of the loops and dropping it on the ground.

"Keep talking," Merlin instructed.

"It can go from zero to sixty miles per hour in three point five seconds," Arthur said.

Merlin nodded, slowly tugging on his boxers and sliding them down his hips. "I see," Merlin said. "That is, indeed, something that I should have known before. What else?" He asked, dropping to his knees

"Uh," Arthur said. "It-- the. Fastest recorded top speed was - two hundred and--" Merlin was blowing, lips pursed, cool air over Arthur's erection. He shivered.

"What else?" Merlin asked, thumb sliding slick over the very tip, spreading pre-come over the head. He licked his lips.

"Horsepower---" Arthur gasped. "It has. Horsepower. Six... six hundred, ohfuck, Merlin," as Merlin licked over his cock, pausing to suck softly on the head. "Six-speed manual transmission, and--" 

Merlin pet his thigh encouragingly, throat working as he took Arthur all the way in. His lips stretched obscenely around Arthur's cock; he couldn't do much of anything other than gasp and try to thrust into Merlin's wet, wet mouth.

"I thought you didn't like the car," He moaned.

Merlin pulled off of him, standing up and kissing Arthur messily, his hands running up and down Arthur's sides. "You like the car," he said into Arthur's mouth, one hand wrapped around Arthur's cock.

"You just want to fuck me on it," Arthur laughed a little bit, leaning forward into Merlin's touch.

Merlin hummed, biting at Arthur's ear. "Mmm,"

"Oh my god, you do," Arthur realized, suddenly. "You want to fuck me over the hood of your new car! I told you you'd like it, Merlin!"

"It's not the car I like," Merlin said huskily, throat working as he swallowed.

"You can, you know," Arthur felt positively wicked. "I'll let you--"

-

"I can't believe you keep lube in your jacket pocket," Merlin muttered, spilling it all over his fingers in his haste.

-

"Is this okay?" Merlin asked, his voice an octave too high.

Arthur shook with laughter, bracing himself and smiling down at his reflection. "Yes," He huffed, fingers pressed against the smooth glossy hood of the Porsche. "Merlin, you aren't going to hurt me,"

"Oh shut up," Merlin said, and thrust weakly, one arm looped around Arthur's waist.

Arthur groaned, leaning heavily on his forearm. "Merlin," he warned, "You're going to have to do - a little - better --"

"Better," Merlin whispered. "Right." He bit at the curve of Arthur's neck where it met his shoulder, wrapping an arm around him as he thrust forward again, and oh _fuck_ , this was even better than he'd remembered.

"Come on," Arthur whispered, his eyes fluttering closed.

"Oh my god," Merlin whimpered.

"Merlin." Arthur said warningly, and Merlin continued to thrust into him, no rhythm whatsoever, just a slow in-and-out, breathing heavily onto Arthur's neck.

And then Merlin seemed to figure out what he was doing, speeding up a tiny bit, making soft irresistible noises into Arthur's back. "Okay," He said. His lips ghosted over the back of Arthur's neck. "Okay, tell me more about this car,"

"Are you kidding me," Arthur hissed, Merlin stroking that sweet spot inside of him. "It's--- ah, yes, like that, like that -- it's engine---"

"Engine," Merlin gasped. "Tell me about the-- Engine. Arthur,"

"High-tech ceramic clutch," Merlin's fingers skidding over his waist, "Engine sits lower - ah --" Mouth biting at Arthur's neck, "Improves the... it improves the..." Hand wrapped around Arthur's cock, jerking him almost savagely.

"Oh, god," Merlin said, trembling fingers stroking over Arthur's arm. "Arthur - Arthur--"

"If you come now, I am going to _set you on fire_ ," Arthur growled. "Harder, Merlin, come _on, harder..._ " 

"Talk about the car,"

"Jesus, Merlin --" Arthur panted, fingers scrabbling for a hold on the car, the beautiful, amazing car. "One of the most - expensive - in the _world,_ "

"What happens when the engine sits lower?" Merlin whispered.

"It -- _ah, ah--  it_ \-- improves the _aerodynamics_ ," last word broken into a breathless moan; then he was coming, hard, arching back against Merlin and painting the car hood with a hot stripe of white.

-

"I'm not driving your mid-life crisis out of this garage," Merlin said.

"I am not having a mid-life crisis!"

"And, I'm not driving it." Merlin said. "Just so we're clear. Although, I am curious as to how the relative engine position changes the aerodynamics."

Arthur looked at him. "It lowers the centre of gravity," He said.

"Oh, right, well, I suppose I ought to have thought of that," Merlin said, buckling his belt and walking inside.

Scowling, Arthur searched for something to clean the car.

-


End file.
